Date Night

P and I went on a date Saturday night. It was the first time we'd been out together since my mom visited back in February. I hired a wholesome teen from church to babysit for us.

We were all atwitter over our temporary freedom and couldn't decide what to do with ourselves. We finally decided to go to one of those Japanese prepare-it-in-front-of-you places. They have a pretty decent vegetarian entree so I always get that (as opposed to, well, nothing). And they offer some nice, strong libations at the bar as an added bonus.

We arrived and submitted our name to the hostess. Then we settled at the bar for a drink. P scanned the drink menu and convinced me that I'd enjoy this green "Samurai" drink that had Midori melon liqueur in it. I didn't, but that's okay.

As we sat there, we noticed two families that arrived with mucho small children in tow. In my mind, this isn't a kid-friendly place. That's why we don't bring ours (I'm convinced she'd find a way to burn herself). For starters, the only spot where you can wait for a table is . . . . the bar. There is simply nowhere else to stand or sit. One woman sat there with a sleeping child slung over her shoulder while she sucked down a Jack and Coke. Another mom ordered a Bloody Mary for herself and a root beer for her son (4ish). She sat him at the bar and proceeded to smoke a cigarette, while her son took random sips off her drink.

Now, I don't claim to be a stellar parent but, cripes. I went up to the hostess and explained that we'd like to sit at a kid-free table and that we were willing to wait longer for it. She nodded in understanding. I mean, when I go to Red Robin I expect rampaging toddlers - that's why we bring ours. We went to the trouble to hire a sitter, drive her around, print up a sheet of instructions, obtain cash to pay the sitter, etc. These people should have done the same. And entrees at this joint are $20 so if they can afford to eat there, they could have afforded a sitter. Can I get an amen?

Here's the other thing that happened. As we were sitting at the bar, a bachelorette party poured in. They were almost as smoky/boozy as the parents who were already there. The bride-to-be, of course, was festooned in penis-themed regalia. She had an inflatable phallus around her neck and some sort of penis tiara on her head. The cigarette hanging off her lip gave her whole look that certain "je ne sais quoi."

I don't understand the "ode to the penis" that takes place at these parties. Is it believed to be mystical or scarce or what? Is it some sort of statement about sex? Are they worried about losing access after the wedding? For all young brides-to-be, gather 'round while I tell you the truth about the penis: if you want to see one all you have to do is . . . ask. Trust me on this one. The average guy (and he doesn't even have to be YOUR guy), will probably let you take a gander (or more, if you want). And if there's any mystique left after the wedding, it really does wear off sooner than later. And there's definitely no fear of losing access. (You can take that to the bank, sister.)

The good news is that we didn't have to sit with the unruly children or the unruly bridal party. We had a great time at our grown-ups table.

The last interesting thing that happened was that we decided to head to the comedy improv place and raced to catch the 7:30 show. I was curious to see if this particular venue was listed in my new GPS. It was. However, a bridge got moved since the software was apparently last updated. When I started driving over the bridge, the GPS lady got pretty irritated because I wasn't driving where she thought I should be. "Recalculating!" she said. And then I looked at the map on the screen and it showed our car swimming across the river with no bridge in sight. Okay, maybe it was the Midori talking but I thought it was pretty funny.


Trista said…
This woman, I'm really hoping her child wasn't drinking an alcoholic drink...was he??? Oh.Man.
And I'm a bride-to-be and I can say that the whole "penis-on-my-neck, head, feet, etc." is reeeeeeeediculous! I don't want a bachelorette party like that, it's kinda trashy...
Mary said…
Glad you had a good time after all that ummm... commotion!?! I know I've been immature in my day but wearing a guys wiener??;) That would be sooooooooo sick!! Augh. Ick, Wierd and Strange... Those GPS thingys are pretty amazing until they are well.... wrong.;)Have to say though I saw one on sale for a good price and am tempted to rebuy it for Rick because the poor guy did end up with nothing after it got returned! Don't know if I'll be that nice though...;)

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