[Insert Expletives - the More Foul the Better - Here] Airlines

The kid and I are flying to Oklahoma next Saturday for Thanksgiving. We're connecting through Minneapolis. This is the fourth year we have flown for Thanksgiving, and each year the airlines find new and unusual ways to make the entire experience as unpleasant as possible. I knew there were new baggage fees since the last time we flew, so I called Northwest Airlines this morning to ask if I'd be charged if I check a car seat. In the past, a car seat did not count towards one's luggage limit at all. After all, it's a safety item for a child, required by law when traveling in a car, and not a set of golf clubs.

Knowing that the airlines are now charging for everything from Diet Coke to oxygen, I thought I'd better just make sure they weren't planning to charge me for checking a car seat. I sent an email through the NWA website (the acronym NWA always makes me think of the gansta rap group first and the airline second, which probably means there is something very wrong with me) and got an auto-reply indicating that I'd get a response in umpteen business days.

I waited a few days and then tried to call the baggage department at my local airport. The recording told me that I have to report my lost luggage in person and then there was a beeeeeep that seemed to indicate I should leave a message. Yeah, I'm sure they return those calls toute de suite. Then I called an 800 number for NWA. I was eventually connected with a woman who sounded like she had lost the will to live. I asked her my car seat question and she put me on hold.

Now, I should add that I did wade through the website first in order to find an answer to my question. The website says only that I can gate-check the car seat or take it on the plane and attach my child to it. We learned the hard way on our trip to Texas that putting the kid in a car seat lifts her up and out so that she can successfully kick the seat in front of her. Not fun. Plus, I really don't want to haul a car seat through three airports. It's just the two of us so I will already be carrying two coats, two carry-ons, Teddy, and whatever else my little boss lady makes me carry for her. ("Tote that barge and lift that bale, get a little drunk an' you land in jail . . . ") In any case, the website did not answer my question, so that is why I had the privilege and honor of speaking with Mrs. Sunshine and Rainbows.

When she came back from leaving me on hold ("Shoot That Poison Arrow" by ABC was playing, in case you wondered), she advised me that if I check the car seat, I will be charged for a second bag. In other words, it counts towards my luggage allotment.

"Let me make sure I understand this," I told her. "You are going to charge me $50.00 ($25 each way) to check a car seat, when that is approximately how much the car seat is worth? That doesn't make any sense."

She put me on hold, probably to finish up her suicide note, and then came back on the line and told me the same thing again. I went a few rounds with her, hoping she'd at least acknowledge that the policy is way stupid.

When I check in at the airport next Saturday, I will take up the issue again with some hapless NWA agent at the counter, while my husband stands far enough away to make it clear that he is not in any way acquainted with the crazy lady ranting about luggage fees.

Is it just me, or is this the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard? Either I pay to check the car seat or I lug it through three airports. What the $%&*?! I need a sedative.