I'm mad to you!

I'm in a mood. I woke up this morning and realized that I am sick. Again. How does my child do such an exceptional job at passing these bugs to me? It's not like I eat the Kleenex after I wipe her nose or something. And I'm PMSing. So I spent most of the day feeling :::this::: close to snapping. I told the kid she couldn't have any candy so of course she went crying to her father. "Mother said I can't have any candy!" So what did he say to her? The right answer, of course, would be: "Nope, your mom already said no." His answer, of course, was: "Sure, let's have some Bottlecaps." I decided to stab him to death in his sleep let it go just this once, but suffice it to say I was irritated. I felt like my daughter when she yells, "I'M MAD TO YOU!"

But enough of that. We had a nice weekend, even though the temperature plummeted over 30 degrees and is well below zero today. This is the kind of cold that makes your eyeballs hurt when you step outside. We stayed in a decent resort. The carpeting in our suite was stained and there was thick dust on the lamps, but P said I was being too picky. I mean, just because we didn't pay for it doesn't mean it should suck, right? One good thing about the joint was that it had a kiddie pool, so that A could play in it and you didn't necessarily have to suit up and get in with her. One of my co-worker has two little girls and A enjoyed playing with them. I think she believes my youthful looking co-worker is also a kid, because she told me that he is a nice boy.

Yesterday, we stopped at a candy store (which is why we had Willy Wonka Bottlecaps in our possession). I thought it would be fun to get A her first candy necklace. I thought, what's the worst that can happen? We put the necklace on her and then stepped inside a quaint little toy store nearby. Well, she was gnawing that necklace with such a fervor that little bits of candy were flying off and P was scooping them up. She was attempting to eat six or seven pieces at once. There was a winter festival going on and a parade came through shortly thereafter (the parade consisted of a fire truck followed by someone in a cow suit waving to the drunken crowd from the back of a trailer). We noticed that A was now sporting this awful white residue on her face. What's the worst that can happen indeed.

Last night P left to join a poker game so I put the kid to bed and decided to relax in the whirlpool tub. I did something that I have never done before and may never do again (but only because this type of opportunity does not present itself often). I brought the following into the tub with me: a copy of an Augusten Burroughs book that I had picked up earlier in the day (by the way, the world's creepiest guy worked at the bookstore - I mean to tell you he has cornered the market on creepy), a glass of Muscat wine, and a packet of Fun Dip (formerly known as Lik-m-aid, which I think you'll agree was a far cooler name). The Fun Dip flavor was called Magic FizzApple, or something along those lines. It was blue, though, which baffled me. We don't have blue apples in these parts, but what do I know. I felt pretty decadent as I ingested blue powder and read my book. Remember eating those three-pouch Lik-m-aids when you were a kid? It was tricky because they only came with two of those edible sticks. So you had to decide how much of each flavor to eat before you ate the stick. And you also had to decide whether to open all three flavors at once or to eat them one by one. I wish I still had days where that was my biggest dilemma.

I thought the kid was asleep all this time, but indeed she was not. She walked in and looked at me, dumbfounded. She wasn't weirded out about seeing me sans clothing or anything like that. Here's the thing that confused her: I was in the tub and I wasn't playing with toys. I suppose she can't imagine why anyone would bother to take a bath if you aren't going to haul an entire aisle from Toys R Us in there with you. She started trying to hand me some of her toys. She had this look of pity and concern on her face. She's so darned cute that it's hard to be mad to her, even when she's supposed to be sleeping.


Mary said…
You really didn't mean to cross that off in your first paragraph did you?? Huh?? I can't hear you???;) I think I've mumbled that a few times!;) Thanks for the laughs, not because you are PMSing or anything like that but you are surely funny! And while I'm here yes, Lik-m-aid is a much better name and those candy necklaces must have been along for a long time since I remember them!! I don't quite remember smashing them in my mouth like that though.;) One more thing, I don't know what kind of wine that is since I don't drink but I think I could use one too. It's been a long winter of freezing eyeballs.

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