Oh. No. She. Didn't.
We did have a nice weekend, once we got to our destination. We were visiting some friends - a guy P has known since his Marine Corps days, plus this friend's wife and kids. They have three boys - they made the third one in the interim since our last visit. We arrived at 6ish on Friday and headed to a kids' fair nearby. The kids rode on a fire truck, played games, and each left with a bag o'crap that they won. I am still trying to scrape a Cinderella tattoo off my kid's arm.
We spent Saturday afternoon at a man-made swimming lake. We sat on the course-sand beach while the kids played in the shallow water. During one of the "safety breaks," P took the kid to the snack bar to buy her a tooth-rotting product of some sort. She came back with a massive freeze pop. The mom-friend was sitting in a beach chair, holding the sleeping baby. "That's a big freeze pop!" she said to my daughter. A jumped up and down in the sand, clutching the bright red tube in her fist. "Yeah, it's huge!" she exclaimed. "Just like you!"
Now, I need to mention that our friend did just have a baby five months ago. Historically, she is not a large person. Like most women who have recently given birth, I'm guessing that she probably has a pound or two that she'd like to lose. But she is not "huge" - unless you're a three-year-old with a big mouth, I guess.
I coughed and sucked the green grape I was eating straight into my trachea. I wanted to move into damage control mode, but what do you say? "At least she didn't say you have a big vagina," I told my friend meekly, recounting the recent conversation where my precious daughter informed me that I have an enormous cooter.
The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful. We did the campfire/s'mores gig after dark on Saturday night and then headed out Sunday morning.
When we got back I had to take A to the grocery store, in as much as we had no food in the house. The poor cashier will forever rue the day we got in her line, I'm sure. As I was loading the goods onto the conveyor belt, the kid homed right in on the youthful Super Walmart employee.
"I have a lot of dresses," she started. "This is my pink one. I was wearing a different one, but it got a little bit wet. Just a little bit wet at the bottom from my water table. I got green panties on. (Lifts skirt, is reprimanded by her mortified mother.) Father breaked our house. I got ice cream, but Mama said I can't have it now. I'm three. You have to hold down the little finger." (Demonstrates the "three" pose with her hands.) I can't remember what else she said, but I do recall that she also told the cashier her name and God only knows what else. The hapless Walmart employee just nodded politely the whole time. Then she had to call a manager because she wasn't old enough to ring up the wine I bought and I sure as Hell wasn't leaving without it.
Please tell me that the whole over-sharing thing gets better as they get older. Please? Please?
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