Thursday, March 13, 2014


I've scheduled my foot surgery for May 22nd ("That's fascinating, Claudia. I'll be sure to alert the media.") This gives me over two months to obsess over it. This whole ordeal started after I fell up the stairs years ago, which apparently left me with a hairline fracture in the big toe of my left foot. Now my foot is sporting a bone spur and nothing works right down there. The procedure I'm having is called a cheilectomy.  My podiatrist is going to slice my foot open, saw off some bone, and then sew me back up. I made the mistake of watching part of a YouTube video of the procedure. Blech. I noticed that one of the comments on the video was from someone who said they just had it done and that they were "off crutches in two weeks."  I guess that's supposed to be a good thing.

There are so many aspects of this surgery that freak me out. For starters, I am petrified of being helpless. Absolutely terrified.  I don't like to rely on other people for my basic needs. The other night I dreamed that instead of having foot surgery, I had leg surgery (I'd snapped my femur - apparently my unconscious brain is overly dramatic). In my dream, I kept dropping stuff (accidentally) and no one would pick it up for me. So I had to do this weird dance of holding my crutches with one hand while I lowered myself to the floor with the other.

I am also worried about all the work that will pile up while I am recuperating. My husband is a good egg and all, but he's not going to do the stuff I do daily: emptying the kid's backpack, signing homework sheets, making her lunch, doing laundry, cleaning, etc.  He'll just say, "It can wait until you are better."

Then, of course, there is the pain. Foot surgery is, by all accounts, painful. Some narcotics tend to make me sick so I'm also worried about how well I'll tolerate the pain meds that my doctor is likely to prescribe for me. I don't mean to be a pussy, but I really think this is gonna hurt.

And then, finally, there is just my lack of patience. I don't want to wait patiently while my foot heals. I don't want crutches or an orthopedic boot or any of that.  I don't want to be unable to work out, to go to yoga, to zip through the grocery store. I don't mean to sound self-important, but I've got places to go, things to do, people to see!

So, why am I having the surgery?  Because my foot hurts like a son-of-a-gun, that's why. Shooting pains pass through my foot like some kind of jagged lightning bolts. My foot hurts when I walk. My big toe doesn't have enough flexibility in it, making lots of things difficult - from walking to yoga and so forth. I can't wear even the lowest "high" heel anymore. My doctor assures me that the short term pain will pay off in the long run.

One good side effect of planning ahead: I was able to book my surgery right before the Memorial Day holiday weekend, which gives me an extra day off work to recuperate. When I contacted the surgical scheduling person, I think I made all of her dreams come true just by planning ahead. "Most people want surgery, you know, tomorrow," she told me.  I know that story all too well. At my job, everyone wants their website to launch ASAP.  (ASAP = Monday)

So, can I see a show of hands as far as who's going to come over and help me pee and stuff? 

1 comment:

The Lovely One said...

I think that when it happens, you're going to relish the time that you get to relax. That's why I secretly like it when I get the flu-- when else to I have time to go to bed and sleep all day?

Hopefully you'll get to enjoy the drugs they give you! Narcotics make me sick too, so I usually power through the pain. I wonder if instead of a pain killer, they can give you an extra dose of a local so you can't even feel it?