Dear Doctor Callous
And yes, I actually sent this!
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Dear Dr. D,
I’m sure it will not surprise you to learn that I will no longer count myself among your patients. It may take me some time to find a new doctor, but I will call to have my records transferred at that time.
When I first became pregnant back in 1999, Dr. S was my doctor. My pregnancy did not go well, almost from the start. I told him multiple times that I felt like something was wrong. He refused to grant me an ultrasound. “You’re a first-time mom,” he told me. “You’re supposed to worry! But, everything is fine.” I miscarried at 13 weeks. I do not think he could have stopped the miscarriage, but I know an ultrasound would have saved me many weeks of carrying a non-viable pregnancy. So, I sought a new doctor. Dr. K seemed like a good doctor at first. However, on one of my subsequent miscarriages, she sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound. I was told that the technician could not give me the results – only Dr. K could call me with the results. I waited and waited for a call back. Finally, since it was a holiday weekend and I knew I would not hear back for several days, I called her office. She picked up the phone and acknowledged that she’d forgotten to call. And then she informed me that I was miscarrying. She couldn’t remember to tell a patient that her pregnancy had failed? Inexcusable. At that time I switched to Dr. B. I liked Dr. B a lot. He was kind and was sensitive to my situation. Had he not retired, I would have been happy to remain as his patient.
Once Dr. B retired, you inherited me as a patient. From the start, I did not feel comfortable with you as my doctor. However, I’d already “fired” two doctors and am fully aware that I am the common denominator here. Am I a difficult patient? Maybe. I’m not sure. I felt like I should hang in there and put up with all of the insensitivity, the insistence that I still had every chance of carrying a pregnancy to term. It has always been more important to you to be right than to be compassionate.
I know you believe I have a low IQ and am not capable of understanding my own medical history, but I have a slew of auto-immune conditions and firmly believe they play a part in my inability to carry a pregnancy to term. However, it’s a moot point because I already have a child (via adoption) and have no interest in being pregnant or having a baby. Plus, I’m 43 now so the odds are not in my favor even if I did want a baby. I’m not sure if you noticed when I was in your office, but I have my daughter’s name (in her own handwriting) tattooed on my chest, right over my heart. She is all I ever wanted and all I will ever need. Instead of telling me over and over that I could become pregnant and have a baby, I wish you would have said, “Hey, I think it’s great that you found a way to become a mom. Congratulations!” Instead, my child is a non-entity.
The reason I didn’t come in for an exam last year was simply because I did not want to go. When a woman has miscarried four times, she develops a special kind of hatred for the stirrups. If only someone had said, “I’m sorry about what happened to you,” it almost would have been bearable. Instead, I am asked over and over again about my medical history. How many live births? How many pregnancies? When your nurse asked me yesterday if I had terminated my pregnancies or if I had miscarried, I felt like I might explode. Could anything be more insensitive? I don’t buy this “we have a new system” excuse. This was not the first time or the second time I had been asked the same questions. I have been asked over and over again. I have worked in software development for 17 years and I don’t believe for a minute that it was not possible to export any data from the old system. I don’t care if it had to be printed and then entered manually. There is really no excuse for asking me if I had terminated my pregnancies. It is tantamount to having some horrible wound slit open again and again.
In April I ended up in the emergency room as a result of excruciating pain in my lower abdomen. I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts and was advised to follow up with my regular doctor. I dreaded going, but made the appointment anyway. You informed me that my cysts are completely normal and basically gave me the impression that I had had no reason to go to the hospital.
Yesterday you asked me if I had any questions. I did have questions. I had lots of them. However, I’ve grown frustrated with being told I’m mistaken in every single thing I’ve ever tried to tell you, so I kept my questions to myself. And, left in tears. As usual.
***************************************************
Dear Dr. D,
I’m sure it will not surprise you to learn that I will no longer count myself among your patients. It may take me some time to find a new doctor, but I will call to have my records transferred at that time.
When I first became pregnant back in 1999, Dr. S was my doctor. My pregnancy did not go well, almost from the start. I told him multiple times that I felt like something was wrong. He refused to grant me an ultrasound. “You’re a first-time mom,” he told me. “You’re supposed to worry! But, everything is fine.” I miscarried at 13 weeks. I do not think he could have stopped the miscarriage, but I know an ultrasound would have saved me many weeks of carrying a non-viable pregnancy. So, I sought a new doctor. Dr. K seemed like a good doctor at first. However, on one of my subsequent miscarriages, she sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound. I was told that the technician could not give me the results – only Dr. K could call me with the results. I waited and waited for a call back. Finally, since it was a holiday weekend and I knew I would not hear back for several days, I called her office. She picked up the phone and acknowledged that she’d forgotten to call. And then she informed me that I was miscarrying. She couldn’t remember to tell a patient that her pregnancy had failed? Inexcusable. At that time I switched to Dr. B. I liked Dr. B a lot. He was kind and was sensitive to my situation. Had he not retired, I would have been happy to remain as his patient.
Once Dr. B retired, you inherited me as a patient. From the start, I did not feel comfortable with you as my doctor. However, I’d already “fired” two doctors and am fully aware that I am the common denominator here. Am I a difficult patient? Maybe. I’m not sure. I felt like I should hang in there and put up with all of the insensitivity, the insistence that I still had every chance of carrying a pregnancy to term. It has always been more important to you to be right than to be compassionate.
I know you believe I have a low IQ and am not capable of understanding my own medical history, but I have a slew of auto-immune conditions and firmly believe they play a part in my inability to carry a pregnancy to term. However, it’s a moot point because I already have a child (via adoption) and have no interest in being pregnant or having a baby. Plus, I’m 43 now so the odds are not in my favor even if I did want a baby. I’m not sure if you noticed when I was in your office, but I have my daughter’s name (in her own handwriting) tattooed on my chest, right over my heart. She is all I ever wanted and all I will ever need. Instead of telling me over and over that I could become pregnant and have a baby, I wish you would have said, “Hey, I think it’s great that you found a way to become a mom. Congratulations!” Instead, my child is a non-entity.
The reason I didn’t come in for an exam last year was simply because I did not want to go. When a woman has miscarried four times, she develops a special kind of hatred for the stirrups. If only someone had said, “I’m sorry about what happened to you,” it almost would have been bearable. Instead, I am asked over and over again about my medical history. How many live births? How many pregnancies? When your nurse asked me yesterday if I had terminated my pregnancies or if I had miscarried, I felt like I might explode. Could anything be more insensitive? I don’t buy this “we have a new system” excuse. This was not the first time or the second time I had been asked the same questions. I have been asked over and over again. I have worked in software development for 17 years and I don’t believe for a minute that it was not possible to export any data from the old system. I don’t care if it had to be printed and then entered manually. There is really no excuse for asking me if I had terminated my pregnancies. It is tantamount to having some horrible wound slit open again and again.
In April I ended up in the emergency room as a result of excruciating pain in my lower abdomen. I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts and was advised to follow up with my regular doctor. I dreaded going, but made the appointment anyway. You informed me that my cysts are completely normal and basically gave me the impression that I had had no reason to go to the hospital.
Yesterday you asked me if I had any questions. I did have questions. I had lots of them. However, I’ve grown frustrated with being told I’m mistaken in every single thing I’ve ever tried to tell you, so I kept my questions to myself. And, left in tears. As usual.
Comments
I wish you the best of luck in finally finding a compassionate, thoughtful doctor. They do exist and every woman deserves one.