The one where I get all old and prudish

I've been trying to decide if the Adam Lambert kiss is worth all the attention it's getting. I know you base your own world view around my take on current events, so here goes: I think it was over the top. Too much. However, not because he kissed another dude, but because it appeared as though he plumbed the depths of the guy's esophagus with his tongue. Seeing the same kiss between a man and a woman wouldn't have made it any less cringe-worthy in my book. Or even two chicks (my husband might disagree with that assertion).

More and more, I form my opinions around this basic barometer: is this something I'd want to explain to my four-year-old? And in this case, the answer was no. It would be one thing if the show had aired in the wee hours, but it didn't. It was prime time (albeit fairly late in the evening). My daughter didn't see the performance, but she is a night owl in the making and it's only a matter of time. I feel stupid enough because I was letting her watch iCarly occasionally until I listened to some of the dialogue (something along the lines of "shut up or I'll shut you up"). Now I just tell her the show no longer airs, even though it is on Nickelodeon approximately 87 times daily. Some days I don't know what I am supposed to protect her from.

Lambert asserts that female artists have been performing flamboyantly and evocatively for years and that no one says a word. He does have a valid point there. The Madonna-Britney Spears kiss from a few years ago caused barely a blip on the radar. And Lady GaGa . . . well, she's out there. Performances by Lady GaGa mostly leave me tilting my head like a dog. I'm not sure I want to explain her to my child either. My theory on Lady GaGa is that if you scrape everything off, every bit of glitter and spackle, she's uglier than homemade sin. I guess I can't blame her for attempting to compensate like she does. Speaking of Lady GaGa, did you see the video clip of Christopher Walken reading Poker Face? Classic.

I'm not trying to shield my daughter from all things unsavory (such as simulated fellatio on an awards show), but I'd really prefer if she encounters them at age-appropriate intervals. I guess I am getting old because a lot of bumper stickers make me cringe, too. Once, I was behind a car (driven by a chick) that bore the phrase "real men eat pussy" on its bumper. And I'm sure we've all seen worse. I'm assuming that the kid will learn to read at some point and then I will have some 'splainin' to do. And life is full of stuff I don't necessarily want to splain.