He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake

I squeezed as much mileage as I could out of Santa during the Christmas season. "You know how Santa feels about dirty teeth," I would tell my daughter in as ominous a tone as I could manage. It was pretty effective because even now she will often exclaim, "Santa loves sparkling teeth!"

Since it's now March, I figured it was safe to start using this guy as ammunition:

I've been conjuring images of empty Easter baskets, of eggs left undyed and unhidden, of candy undelivered. When I picked her up from school today, A asked me, "Would you please tell the Easter Bunny that I'm being a good girl?"

"Sure," I replied. "As soon as you can pull it off for more than eight consecutive minutes."

Between now and April 12th, I expect there will be several instances of inappropriate marker usage, water purposely poured out of the bathtub, and at least one dog-related incident. "Ohhhhh, I don't think the Easter Bunny wants you doing THAT," I'll say with a frown. Truly, I have no shame. Just when you think you've sunk as low as a parent can go, you find you haven't even gotten started. Of course there is a law prohibiting kids from leaving the dinner table until their vegetables are gone - everybody knows that.

Once Easter passes, I'll shift into it's-almost-your-birthday-so-I-wouldn't-do-that-if-I-were-you mode. There is a dearth of mythological holiday-related figures in the summertime, so I'm not sure what I'll do then. We need a Memorial Day fairy, that's what we need.

Comments

Yoka said…
Loved the story. Thanks for sharing.
Audreee said…
Man, I seriously can't wait until I can use Santa and the Easter bunny as bribery ammo.
Anonymous said…
How very familiar. You are becoming your mother all over the place. It worked with all three of you. I'm still not above trying it now to get you ladies to comply.
I think I'll try it again next Christmas.
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