Alabaster Mom

Apparently deriving some sort of inspiration from the recent Winter Olympics (which I did not watch), the other night I dreamed that I competed in them. I've been taking Nyquil at night in an attempt to subdue the cold I've had for the past 437 days (give or take) and let me just say that I've been having some very strange dreams. My husband refuses to take Nyquil. I have no idea why. I mean, aside from the weird dreams, I've been sleeping GREAT. When I ask him about it, he doesn't seem to be able to articulate why he won't take it. Last night he was coughing so hard that he moved from our bedroom to the couch in the middle of the night. I guess he didn't want to disturb me but I mean to tell you that I was in a near-coma. I think that taking Nyquil is probably the equivalent of drinking a shot of brandy with an aspirin floating in it. Anyway, about that dream.  You're probably wondering in which sport I competed.  Swimming.  Yes, that's right. I c...

Oh yeah, politics and religion. Let's go with religion.  A while back, The Oatmeal posted a comic called " How to Suck at Your Religion ."  Matthew Inman is very sharp, very funny, and very perceptive. Also super cute but that's beside the point. I have read his comic called " My dog: the paradox " at least ten times and still laugh every single time. Either the comic is very good or I'm very simple-minded and have no short-term memory. The religion comic stuck with me because it rings true, at least for me. I am very careful not to force my religious beliefs on my daughter (a point Inman makes in the comic). I do take her to church with me every Sunday, but I tell her regularly that she's free to choose her path when she is older. One good thing (well, there are many good things) about being a Unitarian Universalist is that our religious education programs teach children about many religions. We don't pretend that they don't exist or th...

Earlier this evening, my mom told me that every member of our family has purchased a ticket. They've all gone to the concession stand to buy popcorn and M&Ms. And now they are all taking a front row seat so that they can be there to observe the scene when my daughter hits puberty. "We can't wait!" she said. People say this sort of thing to me all the time. "Hoo boy," they say with a whistle. "Is she ever gonna be a handful when she's a teenager."  It's a shame that more people have not had an opportunity to witness the morning routine at my house because then they would really snap up those tickets. We tell her to get dressed and she turns the tables on us and somehow makes it sound like her dad and I are the ones who are doing the wrong thing. "You're MAKING IT WORSE!" she screams. The photo below? It was taken using the night setting on my camera. It was also taken 1/2 hour after Her Highness was supposed to be asl...

My daughter got me the sweetest gift for my birthday - a huge, snot-filled extravaganza of a cold*. I shouldn't complain, in as much as I haven't been sick in at least a year, but this one's a doozy. I can feel my asthma kicking in, which is obviously problematic. I did my best not to let my malady ruin my weekend, though. We picked up the kid from school on Friday and headed to our destination. As soon as we had our room key, she started asking about the pool. "Can we go to the pool? How about now? I'll just put on my swimsuit and wait here by the door for you."  For the record, she got to swim three times over the weekend (two with us and one where we just watched). After a good swim on Friday night, we ate some birthday cupcakes. My husband knows me well, as he told the bakery to put together six cupcakes and just to make sure all of them involved chocolate in some way. Later, he and I drank some wine and watched a couple episodes of "The First 48...

"Just drive right down the middle," he said. "Like a perfect field goal," he said. "Please don't hit them again," he said. In other news, someone should tell the people across the street that it's safe to take down the Christmas decorations now.

. . . there's so much salt and gunk on your back window that when your husband puts the big blue recycling bin at the end of the driveway on garbage day and doesn't tell you it's there, you might just back right into it with your mom-mobile. And when you do that, the stupid thing might just tip over and the lid might fling itself open.  What might happen next is that a wine bottle and a plastic Rich Chocolate Royale SlimFast container might roll out of the recycling bin and skitter across the cul-de-sac on which you live. And you might have to hop out of your van in sub-zero weather and chase these items across the ice-covered asphalt. At 7:00 a.m. For the record, I had my van washed the next day.  The salt is about an inch thick on the floor of our garage. I often walk around with salt streaks on my pants or coat from grazing a parked car (whether mine or someone else's). I purposely moved to an area of the country known for long winters so I know I shouldn't com...

I first became aware of the idea of boycotting when I was in high school. I learned that Gillette engaged in animal testing, so I made it a point not to buy Gillette products. Today, the list of companies engaging in animal testing is shorter than it used to be but is still plenty long. When I was in college, every time I had the opportunity to write a research paper, I chose antivivisectionism as my topic. Well, except for that one time when I had to write a paper on Victorian lace for a literature class. I might fall asleep just thinking about it. But seriously, I knew about alternatives to animal testing (from my research) 20+ years ago. I'm betting there are even better alternatives now. And really, how many chemicals have been left untested at this point?  I don't have a lot of money to throw around but it makes sense to me that I shouldn't give my money to companies that engage in sucky practices.  However, it's become profoundly challenging to keep track of wha...

I was going to take this opportunity to tackle a weighty topic of some sort, like immigration reform or Obamacare, but I don't feel like it.  My birthday is coming up on Valentine's Day and I'm sure you're wondering what to get me.  I've asked my husband for a Kindle Fire.  He said, "But we're going out of town for your birthday."  Now, this is true. Every year, the three of us drive about an hour north and stay at a resort for a weekend in February. It's very affordable if you go in the winter - they triple the rates in the summertime.  However, I'm having trouble understanding how going to a resort = no gift for me. We spend the whole weekend swimming and playing games and sitting in front of an artificial fire. We also go out to eat and then buy chocolate at an old-fashioned candy store. If resort = no gift for me, then I demand that they not have any fun that whole weekend. After all, it's MY birthday, dammit. You know how Oprah has...

My daughter and I volunteered at a pet expo yesterday. I volunteered in the Boxer Rescue booth. The kid chose to work in the reptile education area. My friend Cindy is heavily involved in the reptile world (and Pit Bull rescue as well).  She gave A a tee shirt imprinted with the words "My snake is bigger than your snake" and sent her over to work with a local herpetology club. For the next three and a half hours, my daughter stood behind a table with a snake wrapped around her neck. I walked over to check on her a few times (I was two aisles away in a massive expo center) and at times there was a crowd in front of my daughter that was three or four people deep. She was also standing behind a bin that had (I think) a tortoise in it. I say I think because I am not up on these things and I'm never sure of the difference between a tortoise and a turtle. At one point, she asked me to go and buy her a drink. I stood in line for an eternity to buy her an overpriced Sprite. W...

My middle sister and I were chatting on the phone last night. She is not working outside the home right now (because she is taking care of a two-year-old and two other children as well) and said she is bored. I know the feeling. Busy - oh so busy - but somehow bored at the same time. Is winter over yet? I'm over winter, I can tell you that. Yet another day of school was canceled this week because of the extreme sub-zero temperatures. At this rate, my kid will be in class until the 4th of July. Updates on a couple of things: I haven't mentioned Time Warner Cable in at least a week so I know you were probably getting worried. The good news is that Time Warner Cable found my payment and credited it properly. They also waived the late fee they'd slapped on my account. I thought it was safe to send my January payment electronically via Chase.  Would you believe Time Warner Cable rejected the payment?  I called Time Warner and a customer service person told me that TWC's ...