Be careful about what you think you know

Much of what I write in my blog is meant to be humorous. If I were to blather on about nuclear proliferation or the decimation of the rain forest all the time, I'm sure both of my readers would bail.  So, I usually keep it pretty light. Same goes for Facebook. I post funny stuff, photos, and bits of randomness. No one wants to hear about the bone spur on my left foot (which hurts like a sonofabitch, by the way) or about my angst over the eyelashes on my left eye falling out. I mean, I'm all about over-sharing on Facebook, but I feel like I have to set limits on that. Funny is easier.

I recently came to the realization, however, that my sense of humor seems to have left some of my friends and acquaintances with an inaccurate depiction of my life. Last Sunday, I asked my other half to take the kid to a movie so that I could steam clean the carpets. I sweetened the pot by telling him that I'd make him an apple tart while I was at it.  I posted an innocuous joke on Facebook about changing the locks now that I had the joint to myself (I wondered whether locksmiths charge more on Sundays). In response, a friend posted a comment about me opening a box of wine and another friend echoed the sentiment.  I know they weren't trying to be hurtful, but I have to admit that it was slightly annoying (if I'm being honest here and it's my blog so I guess I can do that). Who said anything about wine?  I don't drink on Sunday afternoons. Or even on Saturday afternoons. Or even daily, for that matter.  When I'm not at work, I'm usually spending time with my family, cleaning, doing laundry, picking up dog poop, cooking, playing Candy Crush, or sweating at the gym (or yoga class).  I spend at least 10 hours a week doing stuff for the rescue (website updates, paperwork, etc.)

I guess it's my own fault. I do enjoy a nice glass of wine and let's face it, wine makes a good punchline in a lot of cases. I make jokes on Facebook (and on my blog) because I don't think anyone wants to know what I am really thinking on certain topics. Granted, I do tackle some weighty issues and I do love a good debate. But, I shy away from the ones that will offend people who I like.

When someone posts a photo of bacon . . . I feel like saying, "You are eating the muscle of a murdered thing that died a horrifying and painful death. Just an FYI."

When someone posts a pro-gun sentiment . . . I feel like saying, "Just shut the fuck up. Seriously."

When someone posts some pro-Christian/anti-everything else sentiment . . . I feel like my head might explode.  Christianity is not mandatory.  And please don't assume that because I'm not Christian, I don't go to church. I'm there every Sunday.

I feel a stomach ulcer forming when a conservative Republican kvetches about foreign aid "because we should be helping our own people first." But then when it comes time to help our own people, they say, "No social programs unless you've been drug tested, worked 17 jobs at once, and don't have more children than I deem acceptable."  I just don't understand why everyone is so opposed to the idea of contributing to the general good.

Go-back-where-you-came-from sentiments towards anyone with an accent also irritate me. Unless you are full-blooded Cherokee or something, YOU WEREN'T HERE FIRST.  You don't get to be "more American" than the next guy.

I have opinions on the death penalty (against), factory farming (against), the prison system (sucks), and a host of other controversial topics. Expressing them puts me at odds with lots of nice people, though.  Isn't it easier if I just stick to the vino jokes?