Close Call

My daughter (DJ Snaggletooth) lost another tooth Friday night. She has another loose one that should fly out of her head any day now. She is always hesitant to pull them out herself, though. I took her to the dentist on Wednesday and I was hoping that the dental hygienist would accidentally-on-purpose pull out the two loose teeth while flossing them, But, no such luck. Fortunately, an apple did the trick on Friday night with the looser of the two.

Now, I told my daughter that even though she knows the scoop on the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus . . . nothing would change.  So, the tooth fairy needed to pay up on Friday night. We had one little problem, though. My daughter had a friend sleeping over. I assumed that her friend is a believer so I didn't want to jeopardize that. Plus, this friend's parents are going through a divorce and I'm sure she has enough to worry about at the moment. The last thing I wanted to do was to be the jackass who spoiled her childhood by botching the Tooth Fairy gig.

I took my daughter's tiny bloody tooth and put it in the little pocket of her tooth fairy pillow. Then I propped up the pillow on her desk, just inside her bedroom door. My daughter's friend had written a note to the tooth fairy: "Dear Tooth Fairy, A and I want you to take us back to your palace."  I didn't know the Tooth Fairy had a palace but then again, I know so little.

I went to bed at around 11:00 and the girls were still awake. So, the Tooth Fairy had to cool her heels in her palace for a while. I figured there was a good chance I'd wake up at some point in the night and could take care of the tooth situation at that time. So, I went to sleep. At around 4:00 a.m., my bladder informed me that it had finished processing some Crystal Light and two glasses of red wine and suggested that I visit the bathroom. So, I did. Then I grabbed the four dollar bills I'd left on my dresser and tiptoed to my daughter's room. My daughter always sleeps with her bedroom door open. It was closed. Crap.

Just then, the dogs trotted over and started making a racket. "It's time for breakfast?! Sweet!"  I shoved all three of them outside so that I could complete my mission.  Then I tiptoed back to my daughter's bedroom. I grabbed the door handle and turned it ever so slowly until I heard it click. I pushed the door open (creaaaak!) and looked inside. The girls were sleeping on an air mattress on the floor. A's friend was directly facing the door. Crap. I watched her for a minute or so to confirm that she seemed to be asleep. Finally, I quickly grabbed the pillow, fished the tooth out of the pocket, replaced it with four bucks, and then tossed the pillow onto the desk. Then I backed out slowly, closed the door, and took a deep breath. I stood in the hallway for a moment, trying to figure out what to do about the tooth. I don't know if all moms do this or if it is considered to be a bit macabre, but I do save all the teeth. I put each one in an envelope and put the date on it. One day, I'll show my daughter that I have all of her teeth and she will say, "Mom, that is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life."  Anyway, seeing as how it was 4:00 a.m. and I didn't have an envelope handy, I put the tooth in my pajama pocket. Then I let the dogs back in, broke the news to them about breakfast, and went back to sleep. Mission accomplished.

A few hours later, I threw my pajamas down the laundry chute without even thinking about it. Then I had to go to the basement and fish them out of the laundry and retrieve the tooth.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find that palace I've been hearing about.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's been a minute, but let's talk about my b*o*o*b*s

Image
I'm in the sixth grade. I'm sitting on the floor at my friend Sharon's house. Rachel is there, too. My well-meaning friends turn to me and gently let me know that I "really don't need to bother wearing a bra." They aren't wrong. I'm wearing one, but the situation doesn't particularly warrant it.  Two years later, I found myself sporting a C cup. My mom, a talented seamstress, made me a dress at about that time. It was a slim-fitting column dress with a matching jacket, as I recall. The white fabric had large polka dots; we jokingly called it the Wonder Bread dress. My mom took my measurements. 36-24-36 At some point in history, those numbers were considered "perfect measurements" for a woman. This was 1984; I'd like to think the world as a whole is less concerned about such things these days. I'm confident my daughter has no earthly idea what her measurements are. She just knows she's cute.  Growing up with a fun array of medi...
Read more

On Being Patriotic

The list of adjectives I assign to myself is pretty long: clumsy, organized, competent, uptight, etc. One that might surprise you: patriotic. I fully understand what it means to be an American and am darned happy about living here. But, I have a beef (that part won't surprise you). I've grown tired of certain segments of the population thinking that they've cornered the market on patriotism or that they can dictate precisely how the rest of us express ourselves when it comes to our shared country and flag. Sometimes it seems like the Toby-Keith-boot-in-yer-ass brand of patriotism drowns out the rest of us. For the record, I don't believe that patriotism requires a love of NASCAR, a disdain for immigrants, a Republican voting record, or a preference for country music. Nor does it require adherence to a specific religion. I've seen Facebook posts from some of my friends and acquaintances that call for all of us to return to the "Christian principles on which ...
Read more

14 Weeks

Image
My baby is leaving me in 14 weeks.  She and I started touring colleges in May of 2022. When I applied to colleges back in 1988, I was an English major so there were no auditions. Colleges basically just said, "Sounds good. Come on in." I was the first person in my immediate family to go to college and as a whole, I don't think we understood the importance of campus visits and such. I ended up being fairly miserable that first year until I transferred to a school closer to home. For my daughter, I wanted to make sure she had an opportunity to see lots of college campuses so that she had the best shot at figuring out what she wants out of the college experience. I wanted her to look at elements like campus size and location, diversity, activities, distance from home, and distance from the nearest "big city" (since performers often head to larger cities with active theatre scenes after college).  Last summer, we began the daunting process known as "getting int...
Read more