Lament

I am not the fresh-faced "girl next door." Well, at my age I should probably change the term to "rapidly hurtling toward 40 broad next door." I am not a hippie chick. I am not a natural beauty (or even an unnatural one). No, I am a painted-up city woman, a term once used on an episode of "I Love Lucy." I dig make-up and I don't care who knows it.

Growing up, I thought of my mother as a fairly glamorous lady. The lyric "raven hair and ruby lips, sparks fly from her fingertips" always made me think of my mom (though not so much the "witchy woman" line). What I internalized was this: you don't go out of the house looking like shit. You iron your ensemble and you coordinate your jewelry and, at the very least, you apply a bit of foundation and lipstick.

Imagine my horror, then, to be a college freshman away from home for the first time and to witness all of my dorm mates rolling out of bed and going to class IN THEIR SWEATPANTS. I just could not get my mind around it.

But back to the topic of make-up . . . I am closing in on a tragic situation. My eyeliner is no more. Many years ago, after much trial and error, I concluded that the very best eyeliner around was made by Bonne Bell. Yes, the Lipsmackers people. The eyeliner went on smoothly and didn't migrate off my eyelids. Specifically, I liked the forest green shade.

One day, much to my horror, THEY STOPPED MAKING IT. I immediately spun myself into a frenzy and called the company. The nice lady who answered the phone agreed to send me a dozen of the green pencils (whatever was left in the warehouse, I guess) in exchange for my credit card number. I have been hoarding my stash ever since. I use each one until it is a tiny nub that I can no longer grasp between my thumb and forefinger.

And now, I have just one. I do not know what will become of me once that one is gone. It goes without saying that I'll need to quit my job and start ordering my groceries online. I'll stay inside my house henceforth, poking my head out the front door periodically to scream at neighborhood children who step on my lawn.

I tell you, this is almost as bad as when Apple Slice was discontinued. It's been gone for 20 years and I still miss it so . . .

Comments

Susie said…
That is a TRAGEDY! How could they discontinue it? Mary Kay discontinued my eye liner a few years ago and I haven't really found one I like since then. Jerks--I think they just like messing with us, don't you?
Anonymous said…
Isn't that Murphy's Law? "If you love it, it will be discontinued."

There are so many days I wish I still sold Mary Kay just so I could have the discount to feed my make up fetish!
Mary said…
You crack me up!;) I do hate it though when something you REALLY like gets taken off the market!! If they take orange Slice off I may lose my mind....
Anonymous said…
You are too a natural beauty- just a well made up one. And now a days they come to class in PJ'S or chain link thongs. I, kid, you not! College as at thirty-something is very interesting!
Sam said…
That's just the worst. My favorite tinted lip balm was discontinued over a year ago, yet I still look for it every now and then. I guess I'm always wishing they'll bring it back. Or perhaps I'm in denial.
Anonymous said…
Oh no! I hate when that happens! You totally brought back memories of Apple Slice - I used to LOVE that. Now I want some. Waaa!

Jen

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