A Sudden Fit of Modesty

Perhaps someone can explain this to me. My daughter is not at all shy. She chats with strangers and waves at passersby. Proud of her body and all that it can do, she announces every fart and every burp loudly and with great enthusiasm. At home, she can often be found in her birthday suit. The other night I came upon her standing in front of the open refrigerator, sucking apple juice out of her Little Mermaid cup, wearing nary a stitch. She also thinks it's hilarious to put her hands and feet flat on the floor, throw her hinder into the air and yell, "Butty-butt-butt-butt-butt-butt!"

Why is it then, that when I find her sitting buck naked on the potty (with the bathroom door wide open), she yells, "DON'T LOOK AT MY POOP!" and attempts to cover the open bowl with her hands? Does she really think there is anything left that I haven't seen? I've been tending to her bodily output since she was born. I've caught every cold she's ever had. I've scraped vomit out of her hair at 3 a.m. And don't even get me started on how much ear wax she produces.

It's just befuddling, I tell you!

It's been a long week and I'm glad it's almost over. I'm contemplating a trip to my allergist's office today, as my asthma has really been kicking in with this cold I've been fighting all week. Wanna know why I hate to go there? For starters, they weigh me and MEASURE MY HEIGHT every blessed time I go. Keep in mind, this is my asthma and allergy doctor. And also keep in mind that I have been the very same height (5' 6") since 1983. The other annoyance is that I have to complete the same questionnaire every single time. Do they not keep records?

"Do you still have a cat?"
"How about dogs? You still have the dogs?"
"No, I offed all of them after the last visit, since you were so disapproving and all."

I mean, really. It's the same thing over and over. I'm supposed to boil my bedding in hot water, never open a window, use a special pillowcase, rip up the carpeting and replace with hardwood floors (that one I'd actually do if I could afford it), and get rid of any fur-bearing residents.

Somehow it's always the height thing that pisses me off the most, though.

After work today I'm headed to my friend Kim's house to dogsit for her overnight while she goes to her sister's wedding. She has four Boxers of her own and two foster Boxers. She lured me with: wine, food, and a TV with an obscene number of channels (well, I don't know how many of them are obscene - I haven't had her TV all to myself before). Also, she dogsat for me over the summer so I owed her one. She emailed me two pages of typed instructions, though, which has me a little nervous. This dog can't be out at the same time as that one or they'll kick each other's ass. This one can't be fed near that one. This one needs a pill. That one is a pill. And so forth.

Should be an interesting evening!


Samantha said…
Good luck with that!
Mary said…
Hmmmmm,I'm not sure if it's true in every situation but I heard most children learn their behaviors from their parents at home...;)
As far as the doc weighing you it's mostly if they give you a new med but honestly if your height changed 1/10 of a inch I don't know that it would matter! They are thorough that's for sure!
By the way I swear by Rhinacort and Allegra D when my allergies are really bad. The Rhinacort I use all the time, Allegra D when it's a bad allergy time.
Hope all goes well at Kims, please let me know what you found on that tv!;)
Anonymous said…
I think I would rather have your situation. S, on the other hand, has actually asked me to take a picture of hers. Her and her uncle take pictures of "their best work" to show each other. Precious. So glad my sister's husband started that lovely tradition.

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