No Nap = The Worst Thing that Could Possibly Happen

The kid would not nap yesterday. You may think I am exaggerating as far as the gravity of this situation, but I would seriously place it somewhere between nuclear war and the toy recall.

The day started out just fine. It was a chilly morning and she was excited to learn that she would get to wear a brand new outfit. I had a rescue event to attend so P told her that he would take her to Chuck E. Cheese. Better him than me - I generally avoid it at all costs. Just walking through the door makes my face start to twitch, so I think it's best if this is an activity shared between father and daughter.

After the rescue event I did a little shopping and then came home. P was dead-eyed and solemn. The afternoon, it seemed, had gone downhill. The kid spent two hours in her bed but would not sleep. And now she was in a fine, fine mood. And by "fine" I mean "insane."

As the afternoon turned into evening, A became more and more delirious. She fell repeatedly, too tired to coordinate her limbs properly. She took her pants and diaper off and decided to leave them off - her usual wardrobe these days. I bought her a new wastebasket for her "big girl" room so she decided to wear that over her head. She demanded that we knock on it so that she could say, "Who is it?" Predictably, she then slammed into a cabinet because, well, she had a wastebasket over her head.

Shortly thereafter we had this exchange:

Me: Do you want to color?

Her: No.

Me: That's okay, you don't have to color.

Her: [Throwing herself on the floor in hysterics] Wanna collllllorrrrrrr!

After a few hours of tantrums/meltdowns/out-of-body experiences, P looked at me and asked, "So, should we do some shots?" We decided to put the kid on the fast-track to bedtime so that, in theory, we would be bringing alcohol to our lips before 8 p.m. I put A in the bathtub where, as usual, she waded about in the water and sang songs like, "I wash my gyyyyyyyyna! I wash my heiiiiiiiinie!" She has a bunch of small plastic zoo animals and demands to have them in the tub with her (they are not tub toys). Last night she methodically wrapped the zebra and the rhino in separate washcloths, laid them down for a nap, and demanded silence from me. If the zebra and the rhino had taken a nap like they were supposed to, they wouldn't be so tired.

I pulled A out of the tub and wrapped her in her turtle towel. Apparently I committed a mortal sin in failing to put the turtle part of the towel over her head. Another tantrum. "TURTLE ON MY HEAD!!!!"

Finally, we noted with glee that it was bedtime. Bedtime! Rock on! We put the kid in her bed and negotiated with her over a few of her last-minute demands. The long day of tyranny and oppression was soon over - her battle against sleep was unusually short.

And yes, we did those shots and yes, we toasted our little buttercup sunshine as we did so.

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