Monday, April 15, 2013

Close Call

My daughter (DJ Snaggletooth) lost another tooth Friday night. She has another loose one that should fly out of her head any day now. She is always hesitant to pull them out herself, though. I took her to the dentist on Wednesday and I was hoping that the dental hygienist would accidentally-on-purpose pull out the two loose teeth while flossing them, But, no such luck. Fortunately, an apple did the trick on Friday night with the looser of the two.

Now, I told my daughter that even though she knows the scoop on the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus . . . nothing would change.  So, the tooth fairy needed to pay up on Friday night. We had one little problem, though. My daughter had a friend sleeping over. I assumed that her friend is a believer so I didn't want to jeopardize that. Plus, this friend's parents are going through a divorce and I'm sure she has enough to worry about at the moment. The last thing I wanted to do was to be the jackass who spoiled her childhood by botching the Tooth Fairy gig.

I took my daughter's tiny bloody tooth and put it in the little pocket of her tooth fairy pillow. Then I propped up the pillow on her desk, just inside her bedroom door. My daughter's friend had written a note to the tooth fairy: "Dear Tooth Fairy, A and I want you to take us back to your palace."  I didn't know the Tooth Fairy had a palace but then again, I know so little.

I went to bed at around 11:00 and the girls were still awake. So, the Tooth Fairy had to cool her heels in her palace for a while. I figured there was a good chance I'd wake up at some point in the night and could take care of the tooth situation at that time. So, I went to sleep. At around 4:00 a.m., my bladder informed me that it had finished processing some Crystal Light and two glasses of red wine and suggested that I visit the bathroom. So, I did. Then I grabbed the four dollar bills I'd left on my dresser and tiptoed to my daughter's room. My daughter always sleeps with her bedroom door open. It was closed. Crap.

Just then, the dogs trotted over and started making a racket. "It's time for breakfast?! Sweet!"  I shoved all three of them outside so that I could complete my mission.  Then I tiptoed back to my daughter's bedroom. I grabbed the door handle and turned it ever so slowly until I heard it click. I pushed the door open (creaaaak!) and looked inside. The girls were sleeping on an air mattress on the floor. A's friend was directly facing the door. Crap. I watched her for a minute or so to confirm that she seemed to be asleep. Finally, I quickly grabbed the pillow, fished the tooth out of the pocket, replaced it with four bucks, and then tossed the pillow onto the desk. Then I backed out slowly, closed the door, and took a deep breath. I stood in the hallway for a moment, trying to figure out what to do about the tooth. I don't know if all moms do this or if it is considered to be a bit macabre, but I do save all the teeth. I put each one in an envelope and put the date on it. One day, I'll show my daughter that I have all of her teeth and she will say, "Mom, that is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life."  Anyway, seeing as how it was 4:00 a.m. and I didn't have an envelope handy, I put the tooth in my pajama pocket. Then I let the dogs back in, broke the news to them about breakfast, and went back to sleep. Mission accomplished.

A few hours later, I threw my pajamas down the laundry chute without even thinking about it. Then I had to go to the basement and fish them out of the laundry and retrieve the tooth.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find that palace I've been hearing about.

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