Well, I hope you people are happy.

I'm working on a blog entry about our eventful holiday weekend, but in the meantime, I wanted to accuse several of my friends of ruining my life. You see, at least once a day I get a message via Facebook: so-and-so invited you to play Candy Crush Saga.

"Pffft!" I always say. "Do I look like I have time to play Candy Crush Saga? I'm too busy wasting time playing Words with Friends and trolling playlists on Spotify."

Then, one evening last week, my daughter and I biked to the park for a little fun before bath time. She immediately befriended a group of n'er-do-well kiddoes from the 'hood so I sat on a bench and fiddled with my phone.  "What the heck," I thought, "I'll install Candy Crush Saga. See what all the fuss is about."

It took a while to install, so I left my phone to do its thing and then forgot about it. A few days later, my daughter was playing with my phone and found the game. "Can I play?" she asked.

"Sure," I said. The next thing I knew, she was flying through levels and had a gazillion points. I asked her to show me how to play.  Yes, I needed instruction from an eight-year-old. Previously, my friend Rachel had shown me the same thing (during our trip to Chicago) and I didn't really get it (what do you mean, "clear out all the jelly?"). In my defense, I'd had a couple of adult beverages at that time.

We were out of town over the Memorial Day weekend and I had time on my hands, so I gave the game a try. before I knew it, I was cussing at my phone and working my way through the levels. But, you see, there is a catch. You only get so many lives.  I have repeated level 13 more times than I will ever admit. "Level failed," it tells me each time. Then the game informs me that I have to wait X number of minutes before I can try again. Son of a !!!  So I wait X number of minutes and try again. "Level failed." Fuuuuuuuuck! Honestly, if the game informed me that I could get an extra life by engaging in prostitution or bludgeoning a toddler, there is a high likelihood that I would say, "Well, that certainly seems reasonable."

Anyway, if you are one of the people who sent me an invitation to play, just know that I will find a way to make you pay.


The Lovely One said…
Damn game. I have been stuck on level 105 for like 2 weeks. Thank goodness you only get 5 lives at a time, or else I'd be fired by now.

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