Why must I be so . . .

. . . Rubenesque? 

I try to refrain from adopting an overly confessional tone with my blog. I also try to stay away from TMI-type posts. You don't want to know how frequently I menstruate or how often my husband and I have, ahem, marital relations. For the most part, I try to invoke a little humor, keep the topics fairly light, go off on a tangent every so often, but mostly just keep writing.

My main topics seem to boil down to:

• Animal rescue
• How adorable (and feisty) my child is
• Adoption
• Pet Peeves/things that are wrong with the world
• My weight
• Pure randomness

For the past year and a half, my weight has really been vexing me.  I know this is a boring topic, which is why I don't bring it up as often as it actually pops into my head - about a hundred times a day.  Some days I feel as if I can think of nothing else. I sometimes wonder if I've got some deep-seated trauma in my past that I'm trying to repress?  When I watch shows like "Heavy" it seems like the participants are always fighting some major demon. I just don't feel like that, to be honest.  Sure, I've got some rough stuff in my past, but I don't feel like I'm freaking out on some deeper level or something.

The bottom line is that the methods I followed before (when I initially lost weight in 2005) are no longer working.  I'm six years older now, so I realize my age may impact the situation (and not in a good way)..  I've started looking at some variables that may or may not make a difference.  I'm considering whether or not I need to make some sort of change. If any of my fabulous readers (both of ya! I'm talking to you!) have been down this road before, I'd love to hear your input.

1. I chew gum all day long at work.  I've never been a big gum chewer but I picked up the habit a couple years ago. I thought it would keep me from snacking. I can't image this makes a big difference in my weight, but if someone convinces me it's a problem, I think I could give it up.
2. I drink diet soda. I open approximately three cans of Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi a day.  I say "open" because I almost never finish them, but it's safe to say I consume at least 24 ounces a day.
3. Maybe I eat too much sodium? I eat a Weight Watchers "Smart Ones" meal for lunch several times a week and they are fairly high in sodium. 
4. I have bum hips and they really hurt at night. So, I take Tylenol PM. I've never heard of any correlation between nighttime pain relief and weight gain, but I'm tossing it out there for the sake of disclosure. 

That's about all I can think of offhand. There are other, more obvious things I could do better, of course. Although I don't drink during the week, I've been known to indulge in a few glasses of wine over the course of a weekend. I do calculate the points for those and work them into my allowance, though. I do struggle with eating later in the day.  Maybe if I set down a "no eating after such-and-such time" rule for myself, I would actually abide by it? 

I don't know.  I'm feeling a little lost.  And fat.  Part of me thinks, "Don't judge yourself by a number! You're worth more than that!" But part of me knows, "You look like poop in your clothes!"

Me two years ago, looking less . . . portly