The Secret

My mom called to chat last night and, since the kid was up way past her bedtime, I decided to let her talk to my mom as well.

I handed her the phone and listened to A's side of the conversation.

"Tell her the secret about underpants," I suggested. Lately she thinks it's hilarious to grab my head and whisper this secret into my ear: "Underpaaaaaaaaaants." I think you'll agree that the word "underpants" is its own punchline and is just inherently funny to say.

A scowled at my suggestion, though. "No, I'm gonna tell Meemaw a nice secret!"

She turned back to the phone and held it up to her mouth. "Meemaw," she said sweetly, "I wish I loved you."

I couldn't help but laugh. She thinks of a wish as a nice thing (like a hope or a promise) and didn't mean it in any negative way. It was just one of those classic "hey, I'm just learning this language, fer-cryin-out-loud" moments.

I took the phone back and my mom was laughing, too. "I think I'm cutting her off," she said, meaning the endless booty that she sends my daughter.

Talking to a three-year-old on the phone is an interesting project, though. It's like pure stream of consciousness. I was out of town with friends for part of the weekend and called in to see how the kid and her father were doing.

Me: What did you have for breakfast?
Her: I had cereal. What did you have, Mama?
Me: I had a granola bar.
Her: Father! Mama had a granola bar! [pause] She had a granola bar! No, a granola bar!
Her: Mama, I hope you can come back.
Me: I'll be back. I'm going to the museum with my friends.
Her: Oh. Tell your friend that we have a little cat downstairs. (Our "little" cat is so fat that her swinging belly nearly touches the floor, but I'm not one to split hairs.)
Me: Okay. Do you want me to bring you something?
Her: Yes, bring me a flower.
Me: A flower? Well, maybe I could bring you a flower.
Her: An open flower, okay?
Me: Oh, okay.
Her: Mama, do you like pink soap? I like pink soap.
Me: Yes, I like pink soap. What are you and Father doing today? (she is still in this phase of calling him Father, though she has reverted back to Mama for me)
Her: We are going to Chuck E Cheese!

When P got back on the phone he seemed to have no inkling of this Chuck E Cheese plot that had been hatched, but did end up taking her later in the afternoon.

That's all the news for now. Just remember, when you're having a bad day, tell someone the underpants secret. I don't care who you are - that's some funny shit.


Jen J said…
That's AWESOME!!! I have to admit that's funny and I may find myself giggling today as I do laundry. The "I wish I loved you" comment is classic too! Someday when she's 16 you can remind her of that one!

Happy Sunday!

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