Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I've Reached Maximum Winter



Winter has worn out its welcome. Truly.

Each weekday I pick up a small, curly-headed child from her elementary school. Said child runs across the blacktop towards me wearing boots, snow pants (she tucks her dress into her snow pants, ya'll), mittens, a coat, a hat, and usually a scarf. As soon as she gets home, her winter gear is cast off into six different locations around the house. Then the dogs help out by dragging around some of the items with their teeth. I round everything up again, muttering under my breath as I go.

Now that it is March, the crisp freshly-fallen snow has given way to . . . snirt. Giant, dingy piles of snirt everywhere. And snirt is somehow exactly as appealing to a small child as snow is. All the kids at school scale the snirt piles on the playground and roll back down them. Therefore, my child is usually dirty when I pick her up - or at least her snow pants are. I've washed those bleeping pants at least a hundred thousand times this winter. Yesterday, she fell in a mud puddle and came home with sodden earth stuck to her right leg. You could have planted a modest crop right on my child's calf. The label in her snow boots gave no indication that they are machine washable, so of course I tossed them into the washer. I figured things can't get much worse.

So that is my first beef with winter: dirty snow gear. My second beef is with my own back yard and . . . the poop swamp. The poop swamp is a section of our back yard that receives very little sunlight for some reason. It's also the area in which the dogs most enjoy pooping. The poop swamp is located just outside the window of our guest room/office. My mother always exclaims over how awesome it is that she gets a swamp-front room when she stays at our house. "I don't even have to crane my neck to get a view of the poop swamp! It's right there!"

Now that the snow is melting, we'll have to start our annual expeditions into the swamp to clean up the poo. P and I usually take turns, leaving behind a "send out a search team if I don't come back!" note just in case. After the fecal logs have been freezing and thawing all winter long, sinking deeper into the muck with each passing day, you can imagine what a delightful job it is. Every spring, we actually give some consideration to not feeding the dogs for a couple of weeks until we can get caught up. And we're only half kidding when we say that.

"Dear God, please send spring soon. Mostly so I can wear my cute new spring jacket. Amen."


Poop swamp's in full effect, yo.

9 comments:

Jodi said...

Poop swamp...seriously, you crack me up!!! And it seems like you get your sense of humor from your mom!

radioactivegan said...

That is just too much. I don't know how much consolation it is, but I was a terrible mess as a kid, and I'm fairly tidy now ... of course, my mom can't enjoy it as I've been out of the house for the last nine years. But at least some of that training sunk in eventually ...

Beth said...

Lots of snirt around here, too. And if it's possible, I'm even more tired of winter than you are! This is the time of year when I hear Florida calling out for my return.

Steph K said...

Dog poop is my most hated part of spring. Just when you think you found it all, more snow melts to uncover a whole new layer.

Laurie said...

Any and all suggestions as how to remove said poop from the semi-frozen ground would be greatly appreciated. Everything I do just seems to mash it more into the dirt.

Cindy and the bullies baby! said...

Bless the poop swamp. I have part of it cleaned. I was out there breaking loose poop with a weed puller yesterday. Two grocery bags. I think the yard was completely clean until our first snow. Each year I SWEAR I will pick it up each day and for some reason I never do. We have a spot I refer to as the great frozen shit shelf. Shaded from sun it is the last part of the yard to get sun and the hardest to get poop. Thankfully Caesar is a bit of a Sissy and poos on the sidewalk.

Lisa said...

eeeewwwwww... lol

E said...

I heard poop swamp and I knew exactly what you were talking about, having been a dog owner (bless his departed soul). Don't miss it though! Hope you get lots of sun soon to dry that right up.

Cassi said...

At least you have an understanding neighbor and I don't cringe at the thought of that being on the OTHER side of the fence....mainly cause my backyard looks the same. I pick it up the best I can then come spring, out comes the rake and it goes into composte. But I could never trade Jaxon in!!