Hold on loosely, but don't let go

Every year, for a decade or more, my daughter and I have attended a holiday-themed lighting ceremony downtown. Families gather on the appointed corner to hear the mayor say a few words. Carols are sung. Then there is a countdown that ends with the mayor flipping the switch that lights up all the trees in the vicinity. The kid and I drink hot cocoa, browse the shops, pet a shop cat at the floral place, and try on weird hats at the antique store.

I asked her if she wanted to go this year and she said yes. The lighting ceremony was scheduled for a Friday and I looked forward to it all week. I even had it on my work calendar so that I could make sure we got down there in time to catch the mayor's switch-flipping. On Friday afternoon, she came home from school and announced that she was going ice skating that evening. I couldn't tell if she had forgotten that we had plans or if she just didn't want to go. When I reminded her, she asked, "Would you be mad if I go ice skating?"

What could I say? She wanted to go out with a girl who hasn't been terribly nice to her in the past. "No, I'm not mad," I said. It didn't seem right to obligate her to go with me. I gave her some money and dropped her off at the ice rink.

I decided to go downtown by myself. I don't mean to make it sound like I don't have friends. I do, but it's not easy to round people up for last-minute plans. I stopped at an upscale bar for a drink. I know I am getting old because this bar typically has jazz musicians playing live and I have never really cared for jazz. But I like how you can hear the music and still hold a conversation. I finished my fancy drink (a pomegranate martini, as I recall) and then browsed a few shops. I picked up a retro ornament and yes, visited the shop cat at the floral place. After that, I went to see the new movie about Mr. Rogers. I should add that the mister would have come downtown with me but not to the movie. He only likes movies in which multiple people die in very violent ways.

The next morning, Saturday, our city's holiday parade was held. I was still feeling down about Friday and didn't bother waking up the teen. So, we missed the parade, too.

All good things must come to an end, I know, but I guess I wasn't ready. Freshman year has brought all kinds of changes - most of them good. Her grades are excellent, which makes me happy (one less thing to nag about). Having a study hall definitely helps. She's having a blast in show choir and musical.

Last week, she auditioned for a specific choir that she wants to join next year. This would be an elective class. She didn't get in. The choir director said he wanted to see more leadership from her (or at least that is how she relayed it to me). She was just devastated. I reminded her that she won't always get a part, won't always get a solo, etc. Two days later, he invited her to audition for a different choir and she got in. She leads a charmed life, I swear.

The biggest change that's happened this year: she has a (*gasp*) boyfriend. Her dad and I never set a specific age when she is allowed to start dating. We just made vague proclamations like, "Sure, once we're dead." However, she seems to be on a more accelerated schedule. She developed an interest in a blond-haired, blue-eyed cast member when she was in the fall play. He's a junior. I do wish they were closer in age, but I'm not going to put the kibosh on it just because they aren't in the same grade. Plus, I'm pretty sure she hunted him down so it's not like he necessarily set out to date a freshman.

They've been dating officially for one month now. I check her phone periodically and I've seen some of the text conversations between them. It's all pretty cute, I have to say. They have a lot in common - they're both theater kids, they love to sing, and perhaps most importantly, they are both in Hufflepuff. They even have the same initials.

When I was a teenager, my mom always said that she didn't care who I dated "as long as he treats you well." It was nice to know that I didn't have to worry about race, religion, etc. When my daughter was little, she was steeped in Disney movies so I fretted a bit about her worldview. I didn't want her to think that every little girl has to grow up and marry a prince. I remember telling her, "Maybe you'll grow up to marry a boy or a girl or maybe you won't get married at all." I needn't have bothered - she is firmly heterosexual. The "as long as he treats you well" part applies, though, and I have to say . . . her boyfriend is unfailingly respectful towards her. It's easy to see that he has been raised well. He didn't even hold her hand until they'd gone out a couple of times. He always texts her "goodnight" before he goes to bed. He tells her that he loves her singing and she tells him that she loves his singing. Sometimes he buys her iced coffee before school. She "stole" one of his hoodies and then wore it to bed because it smelled like him. After a couple of weeks, I finally forced her to wash it.

So yes, my girl is smitten. She's not obsessive, though. She spends time with her other friends, watches nonsense on Netflix, and continues to belt out show tunes in her room. And persists in living in squalor and hoarding dishes in her room, but that's a whole other blog post.

The Hufflepuff duo went out on Friday night. They saw a movie called "Knives Out." Her dad and I kept saying that we wanted to see that SAME movie, but we were advised that we are NOT funny. The movie was over at around 8. She sent me a text asking if she could hang out at his house for a while. I knew his parents and brother were home so I said it would be fine. ROOKIE MISTAKE: I did not set a specific time to be home. Both of them had to be at school for musical rehearsal at 9 a.m. on Saturday. So, one would assume that common sense would lead one to be home at a reasonable time. She was not home at a reasonable time. So now she has a curfew. The boy was worried that we would be mad him. She assured him that no, we would be mad at her. She was correct. She can be very persuasive so if she told him that she wanted to stay longer, he would have been no match for her powers.

As for me, I've gotten over the disappointment over the missed tree lighting ceremony. I take whatever time I can get. Yesterday, she and I picked out some stocking stuffers for her dad at World Market. We laughed at our inside jokes and sang in the car. She played the drum solo in "In the Air Tonight" as we drove home. This morning, she took a shower and then came to find me. I was on the couch playing Words with Friends. She had a towel wrapped around her, her curls still dripping. She leaned down and held her weight against me so that I could hug her. I had a brief flashback to three-year-old her wearing a hooded towel with a kitty on it, back in the days when she said "fridgelator."

A few minutes later, I got up and packed her lunch because she never leaves enough time for practical matters. Moments later, I heard "Love you! Bye!" and then a door slam as she sprinted to catch the bus.

"I love you, too, Goober," I replied.