And so we move forward


 My heart was so heavy on Friday night, after the news of the best man dying, that I didn't know what to do with myself. I decided to go to the gym. Did you know that you can have the place to yourself if you go on Friday night? 'Tis true. Well, there were three other people there. So that makes four of us with no social life, apparently. I've noticed two young women who come pretty regularly. I think they've made some sort of pact to get fit together. However, as far as I can tell, they just walk very slowly on the treadmill and run their mouths.  They'll probably quit soon because the gym "did nothing for us!" But, I shouldn't judge. I thought I was killing it on the elliptical one day until I happened to glance at the settings on the elliptical next to the one I was on. This woman's settings were basically double mine - higher incline, higher resistance, etc. She probably thought I was a colossal pussy.

Anyway, normally I go to the gym on Saturday mornings but since I got it out of the way on Friday, I went to a craft fair on Saturday morning instead. I took the kid along, but this was probably a mistake. I was looking for Christmas gifts, she was looking at junk for herself. Honestly, I just do not know how to get the whole "Christmas is about giving" lesson into that kid. I bought handmade wooden airplanes for my two youngest nephews. My daughter, unable to stand it, told me how she'd always longed for a wooden airplane of her own. Really? At 8 1/2 years of age?  She is going to sit on the floor with her wooden airplane and make propeller noises with her mouth? She already has a room full of toys she is ignoring.  The whole outing turned into a "stop-thinking-about-yourself-for-five-seconds" mother-daughter brawl. We also did some shopping on Sunday and she dragged me into Justice.  I told her I wasn't buying anything there (I had already bought her a Christmas dress and a pair of boots elsewhere).  I explained that if she would do her chores, she would get an allowance, and then she could buy ugly clothes from Justice.  I guess I was just a different type of kid than she is but when I was her age, if you told me that I could dust and get some money, I would have dusted the whole house plus the roof just to get some money. My girl? She just shrugs.

After the craft fair, she and I headed out of town for the weekend. We were volunteering at a pet expo (held a couple hours from home) on Sunday so we got a hotel room and decided to make a weekend of it. We met my friend Becky for dinner, which was a lot of fun.  And then of course we had to go back to the hotel so that we could go swimming.  I know better than to resist when it comes to that girl and a swimming pool.  I must say she has gotten to be a good little swimmer. She has been taking swim classes at the Y (off and on) since she was a baby. She recently achieved "Minnow" status, which was very exciting.  Apparently there is great shame in being a Guppy.

Now, I have a confession to make. Before the kid and I left town, I think I reminded my husband no fewer than three times to turn the clocks back on Saturday night. I also wrote him a note and left it on the counter. So, needless to say, I went to sleep Saturday night without changing the clock in the hotel room. I got up at 6:25 Sunday morning to get ready for the pet expo. Then I looked at my phone. 5:25 a.m. Gah!  I had to call my husband later in the day and confess.  I guess the good news was that I had some extra (if unexpected) time to read and to paint my toenails while the kid was still sleeping. And speaking of sleeping, she and I shared a king-sized bed and she still managed to kick me all night long.

The pet expo was a lot of fun. I gave A the job of standing in front of our booth and handing out some freebies.  She lasted about ten minutes before she quit and ran off to pet dogs. She is obsessed with small dogs so I'm sure she parked herself at some chihuahua rescue and drove people crazy. I barely saw her for the next two hours. I didn't give her any money so I figured that would keep her out of trouble. However, she conned my friend Laurie into buying her some nachos. That kid, I tell ya.

When we got home, I Skyped with my middle sister for a little while. Needless to say, she is a wreck, her fiance is a wreck, and of course Brian's widow is beside herself with grief. I cannot conceive of losing my husband or one of my siblings, so my heart just aches for everyone.  I gave P specific instructions not to die before I do. Sure, I would get his life insurance money, but I need him around so that I can nag him to turn back clocks and stuff.

The wedding will go on as planned next weekend.  My daughter and I fly out next Thursday.  I know it seems impossible right now, but I am hopeful that by next weekend, the pain of Brian's death will sting just a little bit less for everyone. I know my sister and her fiance are trying to figure out the best way to remember him at the wedding.  He will not be forgotten. 

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