Sunday, September 4, 2016

Parenting: Funnier Than You'd Think

If you're a parent, have you ever had one of those moments when you think, "Wow, I am kicking ass at this parenting thing!"? Granted, such moments are few and far between, but I had one earlier.

My daughter and I have had a rough couple of days. She went to a sleepover Friday night. Her dad was scheduled to pick her up Saturday morning. He told her repeatedly that he would pick her up at 11. However, he could not remember the exact address.  He called her, texted her, and even attempted to Facetime with her. I tried those things, too. She was not answering. He drove over to pick her up and could not find the house. He gave up and came home. Meanwhile, she persisted in not responding to any of our attempts to reach her. Finally, I logged into her iCloud account and used the "find my phone" feature to send a ping to her phone (which apparently works even if the phone is set to vibrate). She heard it and called. By that time, her dad and I were livid. She said she "didn't know" we were trying to reach her.  I should add that the number one rule, when she received the phone, was that she had to respond to us if we tried to contact her.

She lost access to all electronics for the weekend.

There are so many days when I feel like, "Crap, this is not the kind of mom I wanted to be." We are different. I nag and cajole. I am neat, she is messy. I'm an early riser, she's a night owl. I like to get shit done and she, um, doesn't. She leaves her shit everywhere and then when the puppy starts chewing on said shit, she acts all exasperated. I hear myself saying, "If you'd picked it up like I told you . . . "  Lately it seems like we are clashing at every turn.

This is not to say that she doesn't have other characteristics of which I'm immensely proud. I can listen to my kid sing all day and all night. I never get tired of hearing her sing. I love how she makes friends left and right. I love a million things about her.

I particularly love that she has a great sense of humor. I feel like I want to take at least partial credit for it. I appreciate a good sense of humor almost more than anything else.

Earlier this evening, she was taking a bath. Her hair is always a project and sometimes she calls me into the bathroom to help get a comb through those unruly curls. She is also in this weird stage where she cares very much about her appearance but, as far as I can tell, that fact is in no way tied to hygiene. She doesn't usually take a shower until her dad and I have basically shamed her into it. So, earlier this afternoon, I found myself kneeling next to the tub, working a comb through the jungle (which had not been washed in several days). "Hang on a second," I said. "I have to evict the family of small rodents that's been living in there."

"C'mon out, you guys!" I whispered in a goofy voice. 

She reached back around her neck, poked her index finger through her hair, and wiggled the end of her finger. In a squeaky voice she said, "We're not going anywhere!"

I have not laughed that hard in weeks.

So yeah, I might be turning a messy marvin out into the world but hey, she can sing and she's funny. So, there's that.

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