Our last visit was almost exactly seven years ago. At some point after that, J severed contact. It would take a few years before I understood why. When we reconnected about 2 1/2 years ago, she explained her mixed emotions to me. She felt that it was simply too hard to have visits and then to say good-bye over and over. It was like ripping a scab off a wound that never quite healed. Now that so much time has passed, she seems ready for a visit. She lives out of state and married a great guy about six years ago. She is in town for her sister's wedding, so we arranged a visit. I know it will be emotionally challenging for her, but I hope she will find more happiness than sorrow in Thursday's visit. It is hard to be around the curly girlie and not be happy. A is truly one of those "lights up a room" kind of people.
I recently saw this quote: "A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me." (Jody Landers) It's a poignant quote; my joy in motherhood is forever tangled up with another person's pain. I can only hope that my daughter's birthmom has some measure of peace in her heart, that she knows I have not taken motherhood for granted. Not for one second, ever.
On a lighter note, I feel like maybe I should ask J some questions in an effort to determine which of my daughter's finer traits might be genetic.
- As a child, did you lose about three headbands per day? To the extent that your mom started threatening to staple them to your skull?
- Did you (or do you now) use about eight thousand squares of toilet paper every time you pee?
- Do you wander into the bathroom to brush your teeth, but instead spend 15 minutes in front of the mirror . . . singing, dancing, and admiring yourself?
- Do you pronounce the word trolley like troly (rhymes with holy) and mustache like moostache?
- Do you ask for breakfast and then act offended by whatever you are served, even if it is the thing you specifically asked for?
- Are you a night owl? Do you react to mornings like you are some kind of vampire who must retreat from the sun?
- Exactly how much did you cost your parents in orthodontia? We are getting nervous about the things that are happening in our daughter's pie hole.
- Do you hate potatoes in any form except french fries?
- Do you believe in getting maximum mileage out of the "Guess what? Chicken butt!" joke?
- Do you find it easier to stay naked for hours on end because getting dressed is just so. much. trouble?