Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Birthmom visit coming up

 
My daughter and I are having a visit with her birthmom on Thursday.  We're going to meet at a park and then grab some dinner. A's birthmom is also bringing her three sons.  My daughter is excited to see her birthmom, but she is particularly curious and enthusiastic about meeting her half-brothers.  Two are younger than she is and one is older. 

Our last visit was almost exactly seven years ago. At some point after that, J severed contact. It would take a few years before I understood why. When we reconnected about 2 1/2 years ago, she explained her mixed emotions to me.  She felt that it was simply too hard to have visits and then to say good-bye over and over. It was like ripping a scab off a wound that never quite healed. Now that so much time has passed, she seems ready for a visit. She lives out of state and married a great guy about six years ago.  She is in town for her sister's wedding, so we arranged a visit. I know it will be emotionally challenging for her, but I hope she will find more happiness than sorrow in Thursday's visit. It is hard to be around the curly girlie and not be happy.  A is truly one of those "lights up a room" kind of people.

I recently saw this quote: "A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me."  (Jody Landers)  It's a poignant quote; my joy in motherhood is forever tangled up with another person's pain. I can only hope that my daughter's birthmom has some measure of peace in her heart, that she knows I have not taken motherhood for granted.  Not for one second, ever.

On a lighter note, I feel like maybe I should ask J some questions in an effort to determine which of my daughter's finer traits might be genetic.
  1. As a child, did you lose about three headbands per day?  To the extent that your mom started threatening to staple them to your skull?
  2. Did you (or do you now) use about eight thousand squares of toilet paper every time you pee?
  3. Do you wander into the bathroom to brush your teeth, but instead spend 15 minutes in front of the mirror . . . singing, dancing, and admiring yourself? 
  4. Do you pronounce the word trolley like troly (rhymes with holy) and mustache like moostache?
  5. Do you ask for breakfast and then act offended by whatever you are served, even if it is the thing you specifically asked for?
  6. Are you a night owl? Do you react to mornings like you are some kind of vampire who must retreat from the sun? 
  7. Exactly how much did you cost your parents in orthodontia?  We are getting nervous about the things that are happening in our daughter's pie hole.
  8. Do you hate potatoes in any form except french fries? 
  9. Do you believe in getting maximum mileage out of the "Guess what? Chicken butt!" joke?
  10. Do you find it easier to stay naked for hours on end because getting dressed is just so. much. trouble? 
Inquiring minds want to know! 


1 comment:

Sammy said...

My husband and I have just begun the adoption process. I am so excited about it and know it is the right decision for our family, but I do sometimes feel nervous about navigating the whole birth mom thing. Sounds like you all have handled the challenges extremely well. I will try to emulate you! :-)